Artists Speak: An Artist’s Approach to Grief
- Amber Jarman-Crainey
- Aug 19, 2024
- 6 min read
By Amber Jarman-Crainey
I sometimes question if I ‘create,’ in order to process my grief or to distract myself from it.
Since the start of humankind, art has been one of the most powerful tools of expression, helping us to communicate and process feelings, whether this be for example, through drawing, sculpture, movement, or music just to name a few.
As long as I can remember I have relied on art and play to express myself. Verbal communication was challenging for me from a young age. Teachers would state the classic ‘she’s just shy’ or ‘she’s a bit slow’. I fell behind in social and educational settings for most of my school years. Typically, you would find me in a corner away from everyone where I had created a small community of Polly Pockets. Here was where I felt safe. I was in control of the narrative and pace of learning.
Today, I am using my love of art to help me process the greatest loss - my brother. In the next few sections I will outline the process of creating my latest immersive theatre show BOUND and consider how art is supporting my grieving journey.
A need
In August 2020 I lost my older brother unexpectedly, leaving me with the biggest pain and confusion I had ever felt. My understanding and love for life altered the moment I was told he was gone. My interest in anything had also gone, including my passion for creating movement. My life has always revolved around dance, movement is not only my passion but part of my career as a Movement Director. I experienced weeks of feeling stunned and lacked any urge to be creative. As time went on it was noticeable that I was isolating myself. I did not want to talk or interact with anyone, bringing back my challenges with verbal communication, now layered with emotion.
I gave myself the task of attending one dance class. Although daunting, it changed my whole mood. Stepping into the dance studio was like a portal transporting me to how I felt before losing my brother. After experiencing this I knew that creating would be a way of healing and help to focus my emotions.
In the back of my mind, I think I knew that having a project would block out the grief as I would be so busy. In the following weeks I would spend hours thinking of concepts and ideas for an immersive theatre show. I have always felt very strongly that any work I make must stem from a place of truth, or a lived experience. And what can be more lived than the grief that was and still is submerging my life. It was not long into the initial stages of thinking and talking to peers about my ideas did I realise how important this work could be.
The push
I am sure a lot of artists or aspiring artists have felt like I did. I started working with my then mentor Marah Stafford, Creative Director of Secret Cinema. I was hoping she would help give me direction. I was struggling initially with my loss and secondly the way that the COVID pandemic was affecting the arts. Within our sessions it did not take long for Marah to ask what my near future goals and long-term goals were. I replied, ‘When I’m older (for context I was 25 at this point) I’d like to create an immersive theatre show about grief, incorporating movement, story-telling and music’. I rambled on with so much passion about the project that kept growing in my mind until she stopped me and said, “Start now. Even if it does not happen for years, you need to start the process now.”
And the process
Ideation:
BOUND is the first independent project that I have produced. The process started with trying to understand not only what I wanted or needed, but where I felt there was a lack of knowledge and accessibility to a topic that affects us all. Once I had pinned down the concept, I felt the best physical starting point for me would be to get performers into a space and just play. I posted a call out online and also messaged a few performers that I wanted to work with. I invited seven performers to a three-day R&D (research and development) session, which I facilitated, alongside a grief expert and sound specialist. The duration of this R&D was very short compared to the ‘norm’, but funds didn’t allow longer.
The R&D was filled with play, movement, tasks, discussion, storytelling and support. Being in a studio with a group of creatives instantly heightened my ideas and gave me so much confidence in the project I wanted to take on. Off the back of the R&D sessions, I became inspired by nine storylines of grief and loss and became fascinated by the physical side effects that grief causes. This was a strong base. I knew how I wanted BOUND to grow. I started to become more confident to talk about grief and especially my grief, which became a regular topic of conversation in my life at this point.
Logistics and funding:
A series of administration and research followed the R&D, such as plotting ideal show dates, understanding my budget for the different segments of the show and building a marketing plan.
Then, I started venue hunting. I felt deflated due to hire costs, lack of suitable space and not being taken seriously as an artist wanting to hire such a large space to host the work in, due to my age and the fact that this project is self-funded. I have put everything I have financially into this project. I have also been lucky enough to have been given the time of specialists willingly who felt there was a need for something like BOUND and believed in the work. The space struggle did not just stop at the venue hire but also when I went to hire studio space for creation and rehearsals.
Although some studios have a subsidised rate for independent artists, the space can still be expensive. I found the best way to fund space was by offering my time in return for hours. I am now scheduled to run some workshops and some 1-2-1 mentoring for dance artists in training October onwards. I want to mention that when I finally found the venue ‘Bargehouse’, I was helped by a sponsor who is supporting young artists who are trying to make change. This gave me a massive boost in terms of achieving BOUND. I have also had support from multiple charities and platforms giving time and resources to support the work, including ‘Sibling Support’, ‘The Good Grief Project’ and ‘The New Normal’ to name a few.
Advertising:
Publicising drawing in publicity for BOUND has been ongoing. I planned in time to market BOUND digitally and also face to face. It was important to get into social settings to discuss BOUND. Having little funding or knowledge in marketing meant lots of my time was and still is consumed within this. I created a marketing plan that consists of local radio interviews, leaflet distribution, social media promotions, and ticket giveaways to name a few.
Time Management:
Taking all of this into account and tackling a full-time job, a side job and producing a show, managing my time was the most challenging aspect of these initial stages. My wall calendar that is ‘stuck to me at all times’ became my best friend very quickly. I am a visual learner so being able to see everything I needed to achieve in my week/month helped me see past the day to day ‘madness’.
Once I settled into a structure of the admin for BOUND I was able to enjoy the creative elements, naming the work, casting, designing the show art work, script writing, composition, set design, securing the venue, choreographing and being in the studio with the performers.
Alongside working with the performers, due to the concept of the show I also had to plan in time to work closely with a range of grief specialists and doctors to make sure the work I was producing was as truthful and respectful as possible. A few of these specialists can be found on my website (details at the end of this journal).
I am currently still in the rehearsal stage for BOUND, working with a group of internationally acclaimed performers, creatives and specialists in their fields. Being back in the studio unlocks the portal again and transports me into a space of calm and happiness. It also recharges me to face day to day life and tackle the administrative side of BOUND.
It has been apparent to me that sometimes as artists, the final idea is not the challenge but the process of getting there is daunting. I would strongly reinforce what Marah told me. ‘Start now’, even if that is just noting down an idea or creating a plan, it means you have started the journey however long it takes.
BOUND premieres for the public 25th August 2024. As I am heading into the late stages of my journey, I am filled with a mixture of emotions. The opening night will be insightful. Writing this journal has reminded me of the hard work and time that has gone into taking BOUND from an idea to a live show. And how much it has helped me process my loss and also make time and space for me.
Amber Jarman-Crainey is a Movement Director and Immersive Producer.
You can get tickets for BOUND by using the link below –
Follow the final stages of BOUND by following Amber on Instagram:
Comments